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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Guaranteed to offend or your money back!'s LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
11:44 pm
The wait is over!
My mom brought it to my attention that I don't write in my paper journal anymore and that reminded me that I haven't written in here for ages. 13 weeks to be exact. So here goes. *deep breath*

The main reason I haven't written in here has been a fantastic combination of apathy and not really having anything to say. I tried to write a few entries but they all came out really angsty and sounding like something I would've wrote when I was around 15 so I didn't post them. Not a lot has changed since my last entry. I did go on vacation to Gettysburg in August which was nice. My mom and I managed not to fight the entire time. Probably because I was just so excited to get the fuck out of town. Everytime I'd start to get upset over something I'd just say to myself, "Hey, at least you're out of Ohio." Sad but true. While I was there, I went to Frederick, Maryland which is like the coolest little city. Must move there. It's weird but it's the first place I've visited that I actually felt like I belonged there. That includes this town. Never fit in here but that's another entry altogether.

Let's see, what else? Um, still working lousy, dead end job. That's not gonna change anytime soon. Oh well. Having some sort of crisis as to what to do with my life now but I think that's to be expected. I keep applying for library jobs but I've only had one interview and I bombed that. It was a long drive and I was tired and I started thinking about "Happy Gilmore" during the middle of it so I spent the interview trying not to laugh...just awful. But anyway, so I was trying to think of another profession I'd like to do in case I can't get a library job and I can't really think of anything. The career services lady told me that I had to figure out what I was good at and go from there. Only trouble with that is that I'm not good at anything. And before you go all, "Oh, Alicia, that's just low self esteem talking!", I challenge you to name one thing that I'm good at. Go ahead, I'll give you a second... And there we go. Besides folding tee-shirts and obsessively watching ESPN, I got nothin'. Eh. Got the skillz to pay the billz...

What I'd like to do in the next few months or so is move somewhere else. Preferably somewhere east or maybe south because Ohio is totally lame. The only thing stopping me is my mom. She thinks moving somewhere before I have a job is a horrible idea. I know that I'm an adult so technically I could just move but I'd really like to have her support with whatever I do. Do I think it's the best plan in the world? No, not really but what are my other options? I have a history degree, I'd like to use it because I like history, and there's absolutely nowhere around here for me to use it. Furthermore, there are no jobs around here for anyone besides Wal-Mart (no offense), factories, and restaurants. I have no real desire to do any of those things. I figure that moving to a bigger city will give me more job opportunities than if I stay around here. I think my mom's just afraid and I don't blame her. I know she'd like me to go to grad school (I don't) but even if I went to grad school, I'd still have to move to Kent or Lexington or Bloomington without having a job so it's really not that different. Right. So I'm off to bed because I'm seeing double and it's making typing a bit difficult.

Current Mood: sleepy
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
11:10 pm
"And I'm glad you got away but I'm still stuck right here" -Brighteyes
According to lj, it's been four weeks since my last post. Eh? I haven't really had much to say to be quite honest with you. So here's a brief recap of how my life's been:

-I graduated which was fun. Hot but fun. My aunts and uncles came in town to celebrate which was nice. So now I have a BA (cum laude *ahem*) from The Ohio State University. Bully for me.

-Bought a new puppy from the shelter the other day. She's, well, I don't know what kind of dog she is but she's f-ing cute. Her name's Libby. I named her after Scooter Libby. Ha. I now have three dogs and five cats. Should a Biblical flood roll through, I think we've got the two-of-everything thing down.

-Went to a party Saturday and drank heavily. Not as heavily as some people there but large tracks of time were lost nonetheless. Ha, and someone at the party called 911 so the NCPD stopped by. Haha. The weird thing was that I freaked out when the cop showed up because I thought, "Oh no! A cop! I've been drinking!!!" and then I remembered that I was over 21 and it was OK. Such a loser.

-Looking (in vain) for a new job. I love the people that I work with but I don't get any satisfaction from it. I think in the beginning I did but I don't now. It's gotten worse since I graduated. At least once a day I find myself saying "I have a history degree...why the fuck am I folding tee shirts?" Eh. Hopefully I can get a job before too long. If I don't have a job by October, I gotta go to grad school which means the Columbus campus of Kent State which I'm just *thrilled* about. I really don't want to move to Columbus. As Alexis once said "It's turned into Muskieville." And she's right.

So that's my life. Exciting as always. And now I have to go to bed because I have work in the morning. Woo.

Current Mood: aggravated
Monday, May 28th, 2007
12:37 am
Random Tidbits
I graduate in exactly two weeks. Um...eh?

I received two of the best comments this week:

My Latin America teacher said that my presence in the class raised the standard for the whole class. And...

My manager Megan told me that she didn't want to work at the store if I wasn't working there.

Still haven't found grown up job and have stopped looking. Mostly due to apathy. Moving into Megan's basement for $50 a month and getting welfare and/or food stamps sounding more and more tempting.

I'm living off of Red Bull which explains why I'm up so late.

Really not going to miss campus experience mainly due to long drive and no close friends. (OK, some days the long drive is welcome to clear my mind but not in the winter)

Toying with idea of going to Muskingum to get French degree.

Miss Beth and all of close high school friends way too much.

Actually kinda like where my life is now and angry that I have to move on because of money, technically lack thereof and no chance for advancement.

Current Mood: blank
Thursday, May 10th, 2007
8:12 pm
Good News For People Who Love Bad News
It's surprising how many of my entries start out "Well, I WAS having a good day until...". I'm sure it says something about me that I am way too tired/angry/whatever to figure out. Anyhow, well, I WAS having a good day until about an hour ago. I did really well on my soc test and my third class was canceled so I got home early and just hung outside and smoked while reading "Eat, Pray, Love". Then my mom came home with the mail. I got my letter from the student loan people and apparently, I will be paying my student loans off until I'm 40. Great. My plan of running off to Mexico to avoid paying my student loans is looking more and more like a great plan. Maybe I'll run off to France instead because I A) Speak French and B) Would like to go somewhere where I could drink the water. Then the good news just kept on coming when my mom told me she might need a pacemaker. Hooray! I know it's a routine procedure but the idea of someone opening up my mom's chest is just a wee bit scary. Oh, and she might have an infection in her bones. Ugh. I just want to crawl into a hole right now because I didn't need this shit on top of all this other shit and just ugh. I quit. Off to watch "The Office" and try to catch up on some of my school work before work tomorrow. I won't even start in on that shit because, well, mostly because "The Office" is almost on. Ha. TV controls my life. This is sad.

Current Mood: exhausted
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
7:57 pm
"Babies are like cats, right? If I drop them, they'll land on their feet, right?" - Me
This past week has been a combination of really awesome moments and "Oh, I'm a huge fuck up." moments. I went to a party at my manager Megan's house on Friday and had a great time. It was just me, her, one former co-worker, and two current co-workers getting drunk on wine and Boone's Farm. Pretty much the only thing I remember is wanting to name our ping pong team "The Fightin' Va Jay Jays" and Laura taking a piss in Megan's yard. "I'm gonna pee on her mailbox! Wait, it's kinda close to the road. I'll just go in her yard." Haha. Good times. Except for the hangover I had Saturday morning. Boone's Farm = Bad. Anyhow, Saturday I went to see Beth and lil' Jagger at her brother's house and he's so f-ing cute. And I didn't drop him which was a big thing for me. The whole time I was holding him I kept thinking, "Don't drop the baby, don't drop the baby, Beth just got this thing, don't drop the baby..." Haha. He was cute but I'm still gonna stick with cats.

Then today came and it started out well enough with me doing really well on my Spanish midterm. It's worth 20% of our grade and I'm pretty sure I got an A. I got out of there early and went to buy a book for my travel writing class and decided to pick up my cap and gown while I was there. That was both exciting and terrifying. My graduation in June 10th if anyone wants to come see me. If you do show up, please, for the love of all that is holy, bring airhorns. People from high school know what I'm talking about. Bring a little Southeastern Ohio to the big city. Bahaha. At any rate, I was doing good until travel writing class. I thought I was going to do my class discussion on the 8th but no, it was suppose to be today. Luckily, I can do a make up on the 15th so hopefully I won't fuck up again. I have my doubts but one can only hope. I'm gonna fail that class and I wish I cared. Eh. Time to do research before Dog the Bounty Hunter comes on. I love that show. I didn't think I would but I'm hooked. I kinda wanna become a bounty hunter now. Or a cop. OK, I just wanna carry a gun. Hm, must talk mom into getting that as a graduation gift.

Current Mood: blah
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
8:41 pm
Does this look infected?
My foot hurts. Why you ask? Well, it involves a shard of glass, my big ass foot, and the loss of approximately a pint of blood. OK, so it wasn't so much a pint of blood as it was maybe a teaspoon but a pint just sounds so much more dramatic! At any rate, I was putting groceries away in my kitchen and singing a little Sarah McLachlan with my angelic voice (HA!) and I turned and felt this horrible pain in my right foot. I looked down and felt my foot and I could feel something stuck inside my foot. So I call my mom to come help me get when I thought was a splinter out of my foot. It wasn't bleeding at all when I was in the kitchen and when I got to the bathroom, the entire top half of my foot was covered in blood as was my bathroom rug. After about thirty minutes of work, my mom managed to get the piece of glass out of my foot. I'm still not sure how she did it but I know it involved some back ass, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman shit. I wouldn't mind the injury so much if it wasn't in my driving foot and toward the outside of the ball of my foot (I have messed up feet and I put all the weight (and it's a lot of weight these days) on the outside of my feet). Plus I had to work today which meant driving and standing for four hours. Huzzah. Tomorrow should be even more fun cuz I'll have to drive over an hour both ways to school and then walk, well, hobble around campus. Feh. Somebody carry me! Ooo! Maybe I can get one of those Rascals they have at Wal-Mart. Oh, that'd just end badly. I'd set the number of people I run over on purpose at 17. Ha.

I should be studying for class but eh, I don't care anymore. I got a B- on my English essay. I thought it was the best essay I'd ever written but apparently, it was mediocre at best. I still think it's fucking brilliant though. Normally, I'd get upset and cry and saying something along the lines of "Gosh golly, I'll just do better next time!!!" but fuck it, I'm graduating in less than two months. Give me what you're gonna give me, just don't fail me. I mean, I should've known I was gonna do poorly on that essay. We had to share essays in class and everyone else's essay was all descriptive and shit. "I sat on the cold, gray rocks overlooking the dazzling azure ocean water and I noticed a lone, rusty tanker adrift far out on the horizon. I shielded my eyes from the blindingly bright July sun and I thought to myself, 'I am that tanker...'" and other blah blah blah bullshit like that. You know, stuff written by people who are English majors. And then there was mine. "Yeah, my mom can't read maps, Ashland's a shithole, and my dad's an asshole." Haha. If you like reading my journal, (and really, who doesn't?), it was pretty much four pages of the same stuff except with less swearing. Actually, no swearing at all. Maybe that's what was wrong with my paper. I should've dropped random f-bombs in there. I think I'll do that for the next paper. I'll just ad an entire page that's nothing but the phrase "Fuck me with a spoon!" written over and over again. Why, I'll get an A for sure! Haha. Whatever. I think I am gonna go study for my Latin American Culture class because I like that class and the prof. thinks I'm smart. Mainly because I know random facts about things like that Costa Rica has no army. Finally, Jeopardy is paying off in real life! I knew it would!

Current Mood: drunk
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
7:49 pm
Well, I guess this is growing up
So Beth had her baby last Thursday and I'm a little weirded out by it. Like, I'm happy and proud and all that it's just...weird. It's still not real to me yet. I can look at the pictures and be all like, "Beth had a baby, she's a mommy, la di da di da!" but I think once I see him I'll be all like (and I know it sounds stupid for anyone over the age of 16 to say "be all like" but whatever), "Oh...Beth's a mom...like, a real mom...it's hers for a while...when did we get old, again?" Bah. I still think I'm 18 so when my friends do "grown up" stuff or, God forbid, I do something "grown up", it still comes as a shock to me. And I was thinking about this the other day how you don't just one day wake up and "grow up". It's one of those things that you just notice and go "Huh, this is new." Like this Sunday, I found myself drinking water and watching "Breakfast with the Arts" and I thought that a few years ago, I wouldn't have been up at 9am and I would have been eating sugar covered cereal and watching SpongeBob. Haha. And I just realized that the whole "waking up one day and deciding to be grown up" comes from an episode of SpongeBob. Haha. Good Lord. Maybe I'm not as grown up as I thought...

*sigh* What else? I've been kinda sleep walking through my classes this quarter. I've got exactly two months until my graduation and I'm more happy than scared at this point. If I didn't already have a job, I'd probably be pissing myself right now but for the shitty hours and low pay, I do have a job. I've been using job searches to find a library job but it's not working out so well. I mean, I applied to a job at the UConn Law Library that I won't get and a job at this library near Myrtle Beach that I also won't get but at least I'm a tryin'. I found this great job the other day with great pay, benefits, and location but it was at a correctional facility and as much as I want to get shanked over a copy of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Who Gives A Fuck?", I think I'll pass. But I'm being an optimist for once in my stupid life and I'm gonna keep looking. And how depressing is writing a resume? Well, I imagine it's not depressing if you have stuff to put on it. I'm also having a hard time trying to decide if I should put "The Ohio State University" on there or not. I think I'm might begin to just because. And cover letters, what the hell are those? I always thought that they were things you put on top of your resume so you don't spill something on it but no, you have to write stuff on it. I'm half tempted to put "If you don't hire me, I'm stuck in this shithole forever!!!" over and over on the cover letter. Ha. The education system has failed me at some point along the way.

Bah, I gotta go write an essay for my travel writing class. It's actually pretty funny what I have written so far so we shall see. It's just me making fun of Ashland, Kentucky for four pages. Haha. They deserve it.

Current Mood: confused
Sunday, March 25th, 2007
10:14 pm
Oh whatever
I love trying to buy booze and cigarettes. I look like I'm 12, which I love, don't get me wrong, but it confuses people. They see me holding a 6 pack or asking for Camel Lights and they start to use their big, important person voice. They ask me for ID and you can almost hear them thinking, "Ha, this underage girl is gonna try to pull a fast one on me but not today! I'm gonna prevent her from buying booze/cigarettes and my manager will be so proud and maybe...maybe I can even be employee of the month!" And then they see my ID and you can see the disapointment on their face. I'm not kidding. It amuses me to no end.

I've been on my spring break for a little over a week now and it's been so disapointing. It's my last spring break and I had been hoping to go on one of those wild, crazy, Girls Gone Wild! type of spring break trips but no. Instead of getting wasted and making out with random frat boys, I spent my spring break working, watching the NCAA tourney, buying used cds online, and looking at maps. *sigh* I get increasingly lamer as the years go on, I swear I do. I mean, I did find some pretty funny town names like Cooter, Missouri and Dwarf, Kentucky but eh, not really what I expected. Oh well.

So I finished winter quarter with a 3.85 or something crazy like that and now I'm starting my last quarter of school (hopefully cuz I still need to meet with my history advisor to make sure I'm good with my history credits) which is just bizarre. Completely and totally bizarre. I know what I want to do after I graduate, the trouble is I'm not really qualified for most of the library jobs I look at. Actually, I'm not qualified for, oh, 90% of the jobs I look at. The only skills I have are the ability to fold tee shirts and tell you about the Trail of Tears. Good ol' history degree. Anyhow, I'd really like to stay at my current job but I don't make enough money and there's very little chance of me getting a full time job there. Whatever. I suppose I could stay here and get a second job but the thought of staying in this area any longer makes me shudder. This town's been dead to me for quite some time. And by "quite some time" I mean since the mid 90s. Like my new favourite(they're from Canada so I gotta use the right spelling) band Alexisonfire says in "Mailbox Arson" "This town is no longer mine / It's fucked with me for the last time." And they are my new favourite band cuz I've bought all their albums in the past month. Heh. But yeah, I hate this town. There are some great people here and, for better or for worse, this'll always be my home but I can't take it anymore. And I say that knowing that one day I'll come back here and I'll most likely die here but for now, it's not the best place for me. Eh.

Sorry if this has been a little all over the place but I decided that pancakes and wine was a good choice for breakfast at 9:15 in the morning. The pancakes pretty much sucked but they wine was/is fantastic. I like wine because it makes me feel classy when I get drunk. Haha. I'm so sad.

Current Mood: drunk
Monday, February 26th, 2007
11:18 pm
Why I'm a loner
Can I just say that I hate group work? I honestly haven't done group work for a grade since my freshman year and I forgot how much it sucks. My poli sci prof put me in charge of a group which meant that I had to lead my group and then give a presentation. I know he did it because I never say anything and he wanted to spite me. Anyways, we had to write summaries and then I had to write a summary of the summaries. Uh huh. So I asked everyone to email their papers to me by Saturday night. Only one of the three people emailed me their papers. Well, take that back. One girl did email me hers at 2am this morning. Seriously, what was my black ass suppose to do with the paper at 2am? And to top things off, she didn't even do what I told her to do so whatever. I did my f-ing part. And she's group leader next class and a part of me wants to "forget" to email my paper but that's a bit petty. Justified, but petty. Plus God would probably strike me down. Yes, of all the things that I've done, God would judge that to be the worst.

So I went to my manager's baby shower and I had a good time. The shower itself was kinda, well, it was nice but I don't do girl stuff like that ever so it was different for me. The shower was fun because me, my other manager, Megan, and my co-worker, Laura, just sat in the back and made inappropriate comments the whole time. Sometimes about people who were five feet away from us. We're classy like that. Then we went to a Chinese restaurant and I didn't have to pay for anything. Freeloadin' Alicia strikes again! But it was nice to hang out with people my own age because the people I usually hang out with are over 60 or feline. Haha. So lame. LAME!

Speaking of showers, I've decided to have a dog shower. That's right, a dog shower. I'm planning on getting a dog next month and I've decided that I want a shower where people give my new dog gifts. I figure if people can get knocked up and get gifts, I can get gifts for my new dog. It's just an excuse for me to have a party and get drunk really, but I thought "dog shower" was a better title than "I'm tired of drinking with my cats." Haha. LAME!

Current Mood: sleepy
Monday, February 12th, 2007
2:48 am
The (not so) triumphant return
I haven't written in here mostly because I really don't have anything to say. People always ask me what I've been up to and I'm not sure why. Maybe they're just doing it to be polite or maybe they think that I lead some exciting, jet setting live I dunno. But here's what my days are like: Three days a week I get up, go to school, sleep through at least one class, come home, watch sports, drink, and go to bed. The other four days I get up, go to work, come home, watch sports, and go to bed. And if I have a Saturday off, I usually go to a thrift store somewhere in Ohio with my mom. That's it. Sorry to ruin anyone's vision of my life. I think most normal college students spend their time partying and planning their spring break plans but I spend my time drinking gin and juice while watching the Blue Jackets with my cats. Whatever. Well, that's not all I've been up to. I have been spending time with my friends, which is, um, splendid? Look at me, using big fancy store bought words...

I've also been spending my time trying to find an adult job for after graduation which is fun cuz I'm earning a completely worthless degree but whatever. I figure I'll have about a month after graduation to find a job because the Tent Sale starts at work on July 9th. If you've never been a proud employee of The Bug, I can't begin to describe the horror that is a tent sale. If they had tent sales at Gitmo, those Amnesty International liberal hippies would be protesting it as excessive cruelty. And as God as my witness, I will not spend another two weeks of my life dragging heavy ass racks of clothing across the Wal-Mart parking lot and standing under a tent listening to the fucking Beach Boys! I will also rebuild Tara but that's another entry. And I realize that Hannah's probably the only person who understood that. Haha. But yeah, gotta find a job. Also my mom's trying to kick me out. She's been showing me the blueprints to turn my room into a walk-in closet for years but now she's started buying me going away gifts. I'm not gone yet, damn it! I wasn't joking when I said, "I'm never gonna leave." Bah. So if you know of any job that requires minimal nudity (I'll do topless. I don't think anyone wants to see it but I'll do it.) and pays more than minimal wage, let me know cuz I'll be living out of my car come about mid June. Hooray.

Can I just say that I was doing really well with the whole Valentine's Day junk until last week? I've been doing work for a prof and we usually meet every Wednesday but next Wednesday's Valentine's Day so he said, "We'll meet on Friday because next Wednesday's Valentine's Day and you probably have something special planned." I just made thing noise that kinda sounded like, "Eugh..." but in my head I was thinking, " No, no I don't. But thank you for reminding me of what a loser I am, sir." Whatever. But who needs Valentine's plans when you've got booze, hockey, and cats? *breaks down sobbing* I'd go into a rant about how Valentine's Day is a holiday created by corporations but I've noticed that the only people who say that are either people who don't have a date *raises hand* or people who are too cheap to buy gifts. Do a straw poll. I'm completely right as always. Haha.

Current Mood: blah
Saturday, December 9th, 2006
2:57 am
Me smert!
I have proof of a higher being. It's truly a Christmas miracle. I got a B in stats. I went from a 56 on the midterm to a friggin' B and I didn't even have to sleep with anyone. Very impressed with myself. Got a B in mythology and an A in French. Smartest man alive!!! Now I can relax for the rest of my Christmas break. I've been doing an unhealthy amount of cross-stitching the past few days. I made these two country themed things for either a Christmas gift or a house warming gift and now I'm making a giant flower. I need a life.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Friday, November 24th, 2006
4:05 am
And so it begins
I'd like to thank my family for not calling on Thanksgiving. Love you, too.

My head is killing me. I don't know if it's from stress (likely) or my massive consumption of alcohol over this past week (most likely). I wasn't kidding about drinking my way through the holidays. I also think I'm dehydrated. The fun never stops. I gotta go to bed soon because I have to be at work at 7am tomorrow which means I have to get up at 5:30am. I'm the moron who requested the morning so I could go to Beth's dinner so I shouldn't complain. My regional manager is supposedly stopping by so depending on whether or not she appreciates my piercings, I could be out of a job or out of two lovely, expensive piercings. Oh goody. I don't want to do any of this. Fucking holiday season. I had my "I hate Christmas!" rant earlier this week which was surprising. My anti-holiday screamfest gets earlier and earlier every year. Probably because I hate it more and more each year. And my cat just threw up. *sigh* One month and it'll all be over and we can focus on more important things like the celebration of my birth. I'm planning a massive party that no one will go to but I'm planning it nonetheless. I even have the greatest party them eva but I'm not sure it'll work out. Whatever. I need to take some Advil and go to bed. 5:30am. What in the fuck was I thinking?

Current Mood: moody
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
3:12 am
Things are looking up, up, up!
Hm. So I haven't written in a while because I was busy with school type things and, well, I really didn't have anything of great importance to say. I've been extremely stressed out the past few weeks but it looks like things are calming down. It's the same ol' shit I've been dealing with for a while. All my stress boils down to my family is crazy, my job, and I'm just a dumbass in general. My aunt, God bless her, decided to change all the locks at my grandparent's house without telling anyone. Why? She claims my mom goes to the house when she's not there and moves her stuff around. Oh, and my mom also steals pans. One pan is missing and the logical conclusion is that my mom drove two hours and stole it. Riiiight. My mom would never steal a pan. She doesn't cook for starters, and she doesn't even clean the pans she has. Why the fuck would she get another one? I give up. I'm thisclose to calling Judge Judy. Or Moral Court. Which ever gets me the most cash. Ha. And my job...I've come to the conclusion that I really, really like my job. I've been to other stores and the people just seem so dumb. The girls/women I work with are so awesome and I love them all. I just wish it paid more. I finally got my vacation checks a full two months after I took my first vacation. And then I went out and spend a quarter of it at Target and Fashion Bug. One was a shirt for my mom for Christmas and the other three were for me. I need them though because all of my shirts have mysteriously shrunk in the wash. I'm not getting bigger. Oh, no. It's the goddamn washing machine. *cough, denial, cough* Let's see, what else? My stats class is going really well ever since I started going to class. Who knew there was a correlation between attendance and good grades? The lady I sit beside actually stopped in her tracks when she saw me on Wednesday because I haven't been to two consecutive classes in about a month. She didn't know how to act. Haha. I'm actually showing some of the other people in my class how to do things which is scary. Classic example of the blind leading the blind. Hopefully I can do really well on the final and pull out a C in that class. Eh. Dumbass.

But like I said, things are calming down. They're gonna go right back up around the first of the month (finals and holiday season) but I'm enjoying the calm while I can. I'm having Thanksgiving dinner at Beth's house the day after Thanksgiving and I'm really looking forward to that. I'm also getting excited about my little niece/nephew. OK, I know technically it's not my niece/nephew but I'm an only child so therefore, no nieces or nephews. I'm takin' 'em where I can get 'em. Hehe. OOO I get to have two Thanksgiving dinners. This should do wonders for my diet. Luckily, I'm on an all pie diet so I should be OK. But yeah, excited about the dinner. Her cousin Kyle's gonna be there which should be interesting. She invited Heather but I'm not sure if she's coming or not. Be nice if she did but I'm not holding my breath. But anyways, other than the dinner, I'm not really looking forward to the holidays. I'm gonna try to stay in a drunken stupor for the next two months. We'll see how that goes. That's what's nice about being over 21. Before, I just had to put up with the holidays but now I can just drink away the unhappiness. God, how did I ever make it through the holidays before cranberry and vodkas? Yes, now I must go get ready for bed. Gotta rest up before the big game tomorrow. We all know where my alligance lies. Same place my tuition dollars go to. Ann Arbor's a whore, Go Buckeyes.

Current Mood: calm
Monday, October 30th, 2006
11:30 pm
2+2= I'm completely fucked
Ha. I took my stats midterm last Friday and while studying, I realized that I hadn't been in class for two weeks. "No worries." I thought "I'll be fine because we're going over the stuff in class." A 56. I got a f-ing 56 on my test. There's bad, and then there's this. I'm surprisingly calm about it though. The actual math section of it I did great on. The part that got me was the true false section where each question was worth 4 points for whatever fucking reason. So if you missed six of those like certain somebody somebody did, you were down to a 76 before you even got to the important parts of the test. Eh bien, what are ya gonna do? I did get a hug out of it from the kid next to me so it wasn't a complete loss. Although I probably should've given him a hug cuz he got a 41 and it's his birthday. Eh. I told my mom I got a 75 on it so she wouldn't freak out. It's for the best, really. But being the eternal optimist that I am *sarcasm*, I'm determined to find the silver lining in this thing. Even if this "thing" is a huge, steaming pile of donkey shit. I have the final to bring my grade up plus the homework and labs (and he said if you did the homeworks and labs and got 50s on both tests, you could get a 70), and I'm doing really well in my other classes so... Maybe, just maybe, I can pull off A's in my other two classes and uh, they'll overshadow the really bad stats grade. Dude, I'm fucked aren't I?

So other than failing tests, I haven't done anything exciting lately. And by "lately" I mean the past five years. Ha. I went out with Beth, Tyler, and Beth's cousin Kyle last Saturday which was fun. Except that Beth's cousin likes me now which is weird. I kinda flirted with him a little bit because I didn't think he'd be attracted to me in the first place. Oops? At any rate, there's a new girl at work who I like a lot. (By the way, I've been writing in French so much that's it's actually hard to write in English so if you see a sentence like "I her like a lot.", you'll understand) The only thing is she makes me look bad. She actually helps the customers and waits on them. She's making my lazy ass look bad is what she's doing. I mean, I help the customers as much as I can but she goes the extra mile. Probably because she hasn't become disillusioned with the whole thing. It'll come about month 3 when you're dealing with a customer who thinks she's better than you because you work retail and wants A when you only have B and you want to hit them in the mouth but you can't because that's "assault" and you think to yourself, "They really, REALLY don't pay me enough to put up with this shit." and make a note to yourself to scan the help wanted section of the paper in a fruitless attempt to escape this shitty town and shitty life and end up staining the newspaper with your tears because you know, deep down, that you'll never escape and you'll live with your mom FOREVER. *cough, cough* I mean, I IMAGINE that's what she'll think. And that was the longest run on sentence in the history of mankind. Haha. I'm a little stressed right now. I'd have a drink but my mom is also stressed and has beaten me to the punch. Or in this case, beaten me to the Southern Comfort. Goddamnit... At least the new Deftones CD sounds pretty sweet. Not that I have the money to buy it right now. Fuck me up the ass...
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
9:24 am
Reasons I get no work done (in no particular order):

-MLB playoffs (My A's are out but oh well)
-Blue Jackets hockey (Though that 5-0 loss to the Wild is enough to make me not watch)
-Myspace (I'm one of THOSE people now. Gah!)
-Flavor of Love
-Work (This really isn't true but it makes me sound good)

That's how I spent my weekend pretty much. OK, that's how I've spent most of October but whatever. I had planned to do work last night but my good friends Vodka and Ben & Jerry's stopped by and nothing got done. I don't remember much about last night except for singing show tunes, trying to make a Halloween costume out of garbage bag, and puking in my bathtub for the second time this year. The Halloween costume was bizarre. I saw the box of garbage bags and this voice in my head said, "Let's make a bitchin' Halloween costume!" so I put the bag over my head, made eye holes and arm holes, and went up to my mom and said, "Look at me! I'm a spooky ghost! Wooooo!" Yeah. Not one of my finer moments. I also displayed my vast knowledge of snakes. My mom said something about unhinging something so I mentioned how snakes unhinge their jaws to eat and it was all downhill from there. All those years of watching PBS are finally paying off. My mom's so mad at me. Probably because I didn't clean up my bathroom before I passed out last night. I'm sorry, when I was on the floor lying on top of dirty clothes in the fetal position dry heaving, grabbing a sponge and some Mr. Clean was the last thing on my mind. However, it was the first thing on my mind this morning because I was awoken at 7am by my mom screaming at me. Eh. I wasn't even planning on drinking last night. I went to K-Mart for some Ben & Jerry's (2/$5) and since I was low on booze and the booze aisle was two aisles down, I figured I just give it a quick look see. Then I found out my favorite cheap vodka was on sale and decided that since I'm on vacation this week, I might as well celebrate a wee bit. Eh. I suck.

Current Mood: sick
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
5:20 pm
Viva Octobre!
So I'm thinking that this should officially be declared the best week ever and, dare I say, the best month ever. Reasons why this week rocks: New Amos Lee album out today, new Robin Thicke album out today (Sounds like Justin Timberlake but perhaps better), MLB playoffs started today (And my A's are up 1-0), NHL season starts Friday (It's Jackets time!), and, um, I think that's it but hello, best week ever. And later this month, the new John Legend album comes out, the new Nelly McKay album comes out, I might be going to the Ren Fest with Beth, Tyler, Heather, and her man friend, and Halloween! (Read: Free f-ing candy! Not that my tubby behind needs candy but whatever) Although the last time I declared a week the best week ever, it sucked beyond belief. Eh. I get to see Rick Nash AND Barry Zito in the same week. And that's always a good week.

I'm doing so poorly in school. I would do better if I showed up I suppose. None of my profs take attendance so I don't bother to show up for some of them. I go to my classes at least two out of three days a week and as the great philosopher Meatloaf once said, "Two outta three ain't bad." Ha. Great philosopher. Yes, I think it goes Plato, Socrates, and then Meatloaf. Haha. But anyways, I've missed less than a dozen classes the entire time I've been going to school there and now I'm showing up whenever. Ah, sweet, sweet apathy. I missed mythology the other day simply because I didn't feel like walking all the way across campus. It's maybe a two, three hundred foot walk to the classroom. I actually walked farther to get to my car to leave. Ha. I'll do better later. So I say... Time for baseball and hamburger helper. Made with real helper.

Current Mood: apathetic
Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
6:36 pm
The most cheerful entry ever
I don't know if I'm more upset about the fact that I start school tomorrow or about how much money I had to spend today at school. That gets me everytime. I have to PAY for something I hate. I won't even mention how much I had to charge today but it was more than I made all summer. It was also more than I have in my checking account but whatever. I still have two more books to buy but after paying for my stats text book, I got pissed off and refused to spend one more cent in the bookstore. I showed them. Bastards. I'm not even looking forward to starting school tomorrow. There's not one class I'm looking forward to taking this quarter. Or all year for that matter. The only highlight of my week is French class because I get to see Danielle but that's just gonna suck because she has a girlfriend. *sigh* Fantastic. You know, it's kinda sad that my only reasons for getting up in the mornings are my Bengals, OSU football, and pretty soon Blue Jackets hockey. Oh well. Something's better than nothing.

And John Mayer's new album, "Continuum" is amazingly good. It's like "Heavier Things" and "Try!" mixed together. More "Heavier Things" than "Try!" but still really, really good. I've yet to hear a John Mayer song I didn't like. Or a Fiona Apple song for that matter. Oh, and the new Justin Timberlake album is pretty good, too. It's like Prince but not Prince. Right.

Current Mood: depressed
Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
8:58 pm
I've done nothing these past two weeks besides work, watch sports, and watch "Next" on MTV. I've spent entire days in bed watching "Next". They have those f-ing marathons on everyday and, damn it, I just have to watch. It's like a black hole that just sucks you in and won't let you go. I've seen over two dozen episodes and that's on the liberal side. They've been entertaining but I swear I lose IQ points with every episode. Mmm "Next"...

So in between the "Next" watching and my occasional trips to work, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I realized that
A) I'm so done with this town and there's nothing really here for me
B) I'm terrified of babies
C) I have to go to grad school if I ever want to make more that minimum wage
D) I have to go to grad school in Ohio (bleh)
E) My big, fancy history degree that I'm paying for is kinda worthless
F) I don't really like history all that much
G) I should've gone to school to be a fireman

So there we go. The last one started a fight with me and my mom which was fun. My grandpa, her dad, was a fireman so I'm not sure why she'd have a problem with me doing it. I could go to this tech school for two years to do it but you have to become an emt and I don't really wanna do that. I guess I could get my masters and then become and fireman. I don't know when having those two degrees would come in handy. Unless a library I'm working in catches on fire. I'd put out the fire while telling you where the books on 14th century Chinese poets were located. Multi talented.
Friday, August 25th, 2006
10:33 pm
When I said I had top notch gaydar...
Today has rocked. It all started when we had our potluck in French class. Danielle (AKA the girl I've had a crush on since the first day of French class 10 weeks ago) told me she's a lesbian. Yep. Hannah, did we call it or what? Our gaydar is indeed top notch. The only problem is that she's been in a relationship with this girl for two years. That and I don't think I'm her type. She likes lesbians who are in shape and uh, I'm neither of those two things. So in order for her to like me, I'd have to lose weight and stop being attracted to guys... Consider it done! Ha. No, I'll win her over with my sense of humour and um, my sense of humour? That's really all I got goin' at this point. Eh. I also found out that I've got two weeks of paid vacation coming to me. Woo hoo! Too bad I have to go to school soon so I won't get to go anywhere. I might though. Take off a Friday or a Monday class and have and extended weekend. And I hear Washington D.C. is lovely in the fall... *subtle hint* Great day. I was even in such a good mood that I almost told my mom that I like chicks. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), I made the mistake of asking my mom how her day was. She went on for thirty minutes just talking about nothing. I always ask her how her day was and then add "And I want the Cliffnotes version!" I'm not even kidding. She's like the energizer bunny just not as entertaining. So by the time I finally got to talk, we were five minutes from our house and I just gave up. Oh well. I think she knows though. There was the whole picture of me and Nora kissing thing and I kept saying things like, "I'm gonna make out with hot chicks!" after I told her I was going to the Pride Parade. At any rate, I gotta go to bed. I might be going somewhere tomorrow although I doubt it. Oh, and Wolfmother's new CD is pretty fucking awesome. As is Chevelle's last album.

Current Mood: excited
Thursday, August 24th, 2006
7:08 pm
I'm how old?
So today was my last day of actual French class. (We have a potluck tomorrow morning that I'm super excited for) I thought I'd be excited and feel some relief when it was all over but I'm just really sad. I'm gonna miss everyone so much. It's virtually impossible to spend three hours a day, five days a week, for ten weeks with the same people and not feel some sorta attachment to them. Some of them I'd like to slap in the mouth but I'll still miss them. I'll see most of them in 104 fall quarter but I dunno. This was the most fun I've ever had in a class before. Challenging, but extremely fun. Eh. I think I'm also sad because now I'm a senior. I realized that the other day and kinda went "Oh, I'm gonna be an adult soon... I'll be damned..." I gotta figure out what I want to do for the rest of my f-ing life and take the GRE and apply to schools, blah blah blah. I dunno. It came as a shock to me I guess. "Grown up" stuff always comes as a shock to me because I still think I'm 18 which is a problem seeing as how I haven't been 18 for quite some time. Whatever. I'll figure it all out. I think.

OK, so I'm pretty sure the next thing I'm about to write makes me a horrible person but I'd like a second opinion. I thought about calling Nora the other day to see if she wanted to do something sometime or was coming home anytime soon. I'm still kinda disappointed over the way she handled some things but I was gonna get over it because, well, because. So then I started thinking about why I wanted to see her and I realized that I pretty much only want to see her because her boyfriend might come along. Yeah. It's not like I'm trying to steal him away from her or anything. I mean, he's attractive but I'm not attracted to him if that makes any sense. It's just that at this point in our lives, I have more in common with her boyfriend than I do her. And she knows that he likes me (not in that way) because she once jokingly referred to me as his "other girlfriend". So there we have it. Am I a bad person for wanting to hang out with my friend's boyfriend more than I want to hang out with her? Input welcome.

Der, I gotta go bake a blackberry cobbler for the potluck tomorrow. I can't cook so this should be fun. I'm just praying that no one gets food poisoning.

Current Mood: confused
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